Eliminate the Positive

Step away from the hot guy and listen...hear the flapping of all those red flags in the breeze?

Even cool-head, unflappable me is susceptible to developing crushes. You know – that giddy, giggly junior high feeling you get when you meet someone new and hit it off. You try like hell to play it cool and keep the proper perspective (because dear, you just met this guy a few weeks ago and know nothing about him) but instead find yourself gushing to your (annoyed) friends about how cute he is and that sweet thing he did on your date and how you slow-danced to “We Are the World” unironically and how ohmigodheissoperfect!

Slow. Your. Roll. Getting all caught up in a virtual stranger is a colossally bad idea. While you’re busy imagining what your children will look like or what shade of green you will paint your future master bedroom you may be missing things. Important things. Red flag things. Like the fact that he didn’t call when he said he would. Or the lame text asking to “hang” tonight. Or the unwillingness to do anything other than just lay there while you do all the work. And yes I mean in bed.

Now if I focused on the fact that he is ridiculously good looking and likes to hold hands I would probably miss those glaringly obvious signs of trouble mentioned above. If I think about those broad, amazing shoulders and pecs I would miss the fact that I’ve been the one to initiate over half of our dates. If I remember how rock hard those biceps are I might overlook the fact that in all the time we’ve spent in each other’s company he has never once complimented me on how I look, smell, and that I bring alcohol.

The next time we meet and he flashes me his fiercest Blue Steel, I pray for the strength to remember all that I’ve seen and say thanks, but no thanks.


11 responses to “Eliminate the Positive

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